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This bloke rings home from a phone box at the airport.

"Hello son, its your dad here, put your Mam on" he says as a little
boy's voice answers the phone.

"Oh, she's in bed with uncle dave, they always go to bed of an
afternoon I have to make myself scarce" was the reply.

"Well f**k me! Here I am slogging my guts out on them f**king rigs
sending her £500 quid a week and as soon as I'm gone she's in bed
with my brother. Here son you go tell her that your dad's coming up
the street with his bags and shit and see what she does, ive got a
few quid in change I'll give you".

"Alright, back in a mo" says the little boy.

A few minutes later he comes back and says

"Eeh it were f**king funny that dad, I told her what you said and you
should have seen uncle Dave! He jumped out of bed and out the
window, but it slammed shut and caught his leg and he fell into your
cabbages and i hope your not planning on taking them to show this
year cos he squashed 'em. He got up and he ran out on to them
railway lines and an intercity 125 hit 'im and spread him all over next
doors garden"

"What did your Mam say?" the bloke asked.

"Well she flew out the door, down the stairs, I've never seen a hairy
fanny before dad, in to the back yard and she slipped on me
skateboard and hit her head on a brick and landed in the swimming
pool......and shes face down.....shes not moving...I think I've killed

"Hang on....." says the man, "Swimming pool?? is this Doncaster
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