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This time, I just feel sad and lonely and wishing that he had a longer time to live as a healthy person.

It's never easy, but perhaps, having lived through the experience once, you're in a place now where you know what to expect and that softens it some. It took me a long time to get where you are now, as far as just feeling sad and lonely, etc. Grief is indeed such an individual experience and we all react in our own time frame. Wishing you an easier road, day by day.

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