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To all my friends - thanks to you sending me chain letters in 2003: I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains. I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS. I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer. I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me. I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo. I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me homo. I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonald's can sell their Big Macs. I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. I think I'm turning gay because when I go to parties I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear she'll take my kidneys and leave me napping in a bathtub full of ice. I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny that girl, she's been 7 since 1993... I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program. My Erickson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland. But I'm positive all of this resulted from a stinking chain I broke, or forgot to follow, and I got a curse from hell. IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on you today at 7pm.
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