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No. of Recommendations: 1
SO the one (literally only) thing Leroy Jethro's teacher commented on in a less-than-positively glowing manner was that Leroy Jethro tended to stick with "the ones you know" friends instead of trying to make new ones.*

Apparently if a kid approaches him? Not a problem, come on in and join the fun, you belong to my extended friend group now.

But if left to his own devices, he either finds people he already knows or just grabs a book and has a little quiet read to himself.

Uh, yeah. Hi. That might be an inherited trait.

Anyway, this brings us to basketball season.

Last year, he was a great mixed-grade team (rec league thankfully); half of those boys should be playing this year on the same team, and Leroy Jethro could play with them and probably 5 new kids.

OR he can just throw his name in the hat and the league pick a team for him.

He loved his team, we liked the parents....but just seeing where the chips fall would follow the feedback we've been given for development.

I'm torn. Half of a new team is 5 opportunities, which seems like....plenty. But probably not far enough out of his comfort zone to help with the development of this skill.

Me? I'll just grab a book and have a nice quiet read over here....

impolite

* She noted that this was one of those "think really hard to find a development opportunity* things and it even stated in her notes that he is a very, very good friend and friendly to everyone
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No. of Recommendations: 2
Ask him what he wants to do.
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Since this is my own personality as well -- I'll say that I've been on many sports teams where I struggled to reach out to my teammates -- I do wish I knew better how to do this but from my experience you don't just magically figure it out from being on a team where you don't know anyone :)

So I would put him on the team he was already on and then work on him separately with how and why to reach out to others.
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No. of Recommendations: 8
He loved his team, we liked the parents....but just seeing where the chips fall would follow the feedback we've been given for development.

Same personality here. Personally, I say stick with the same team and try to cultivate new friends with the other 5. I would think that "he loved his team, we liked the parents" entirely outweighs a "development opportunity" suggestion from his teacher. There will be plenty of growth opportunities; no need to jump head-first into the first opportunity that presents itself.

-Agg97
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No. of Recommendations: 4
I've always believed that when it comes to friends, aim for quality not quantity.

And seeking new friends could have unintended consequences: 1) alienating existing friends by spending less time with them, or 2) ending up with a bad influence "just to fill the quota."
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No. of Recommendations: 10
Honestly, that sounds like a teacher trying to find something less than perfect. I would not cause extra stress by changing up the team.


c
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No. of Recommendations: 3
DD has had a million "opportunities" to make new friends over the years. She was really good at it when she was younger. Now that she's a teen, it's clearly a stressor rather than fun. So my advice would align with everyone else's here. Build on what you have. Work on building a strong network of friends who are, in both quantity and quality, really awesome. If possible, avoid major dislocations that upend the entire network; those are really hard on kids.

ThyPeace, every close friend of DD's has moved, or DD changed schools. She has one close friend left. It's been unpleasant.
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No. of Recommendations: 5
They will literally pick a nit about anything, huh?

Leave the kid be. He's not a ducking sociology project.
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No. of Recommendations: 4
Our oldest son takes after me. He can talk to anyone, anywhere about anything and has no problem talking to random strangers. Our younger son is more like my wife, quiet and more reserved. While friendly and social, he is less inclined to go out of his way to meet new people. With regards to the team choice, if we were faced with the situation presented by your son's teacher, we would for sure let our son make his own choice on the team choice. Our view is that we can't change our kids' basic personalities. So we tend to let them chart their own path. Just my opinion - no right or wrong answer.
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No. of Recommendations: 12
So here's the thing. Not everything needs to be a growth opportunity. But you can't just let them go by all the time either. I view this as a pick your battles type thing, and my instinct is to let the boy play with his friends. On the other hand, how many of these growth opportunities that are this good are you going to get? Playing with a whole new team is substantially different than playing with five new guys. I don't think there is a wrong answer.

So let's talk about me.

This weekend was homecoming at High School and FirstLock (who has a lot of social anxiety) wanted to do the whole thing. He wanted to go to the parade and the game and the dance. If you have told me that FirstLock would be in a general ed high school and want to do all that six years ago, I would have taken it in a heart beat.

So they went to the parade. Mrs. Lock took him and while they were watching the wrestling float came by. FirstLock has been doing wrestling after school. Right now it is just open gym the real season and practice doesn't start until November. The coach really wants FirstLock to join because he is the only kid in his weight class (under 108 lbs) and the coach hasn't had anyone in that weight class for a few years. Anyway the boys on the float holler at him to join them, so he runs into the parade and jumps up on the float leaving Mrs. Lock to figure out where to pick him up later (spoilers - she found him.)

They went to the game later that night, but FirstLock left at half time (which is what I figured.)

By Saturday and the dance FirstLock just wanted to stay home, but I really leaned on him to go. I told him that I wasn't doing it to "build character" but rather I knew that he did want to go. He was excited about it and I didn't want his anxiety to rob him of something he wanted to do. So in the end he went and I stayed in the parking lot so he could leave when he wanted. He lasted about 20 minutes which was fine. He got to talk to his friends and have some fun and he was glad he went.

Wally

P.S. There were two arguments I considered and discarded. The first was, "I paid $15 for that ticket and you're going!" It's like my dad tried to possess me. Which is a neat trick since he is still alive.
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No. of Recommendations: 5
So let's talk about me.

In a lot of ways, this is my very favorite part about coming to the boards -- learning about where people share experiences and have been on the path that I seem to be on, perhaps a little ahead, perhaps a little behind.

FirstLock sounds pretty similar to DD, who suffers from a variety of anxiety-related things (social, needle phobia, OCD...) plus a variety of other stuff. She, too, has struggled with which activities to participate in and which ones to not participate in. She ended up deciding not to go to Homecoming, but did do the All-Night-A-Thon for the band the night before that. Assessment from the ex is that "she's trying really hard to fit in, but I'm not sure it's working. They're probably not actually her friends." Assessment from me? I don't really care what other people think of DD. Yeah, she's quirky. She is also awesome. My assumption is that her peers can see both. Some may like it, some not. That's okay. DD has her own path and I'm delighted that she's willing to participate in things.

ThyPeace, also, I wish I had thought of the "I'll come and stay in the parking lot so you can go for a bit" option. That's a good one. I'll keep it in mind for next time.
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No. of Recommendations: 2
Signed up naming his "buddies" from the previous team.

Now, since it's rec league, we'll wait until the last minute to hear when our practice slot is.

impolite
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Like, literally wait until the last minute.

First practice is supposed to be Saturday.

Update from the coordinator - coaches are meeting tonight and tomorrow, so you'll know your practice slot no later than *Thursday evening*.

GAH

impolite
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No. of Recommendations: 1
I swear, imp, you and I are living the same life. On the way to school this morning, we're talking about the weekend. Practice had been scheduled 11-2. But "Well... that might not happen. See, apparently there is a basketball game in the gym. So there are options. We're voting on them [in the group chat that no adult has access to]. I want to just keep practice at the same time but practice in the commons instead of the gym. The other choices are 8-10 or 8:30-10:30."

Oy. Luckily, the votes so far seem to indicate that same time, new location is going to win, so we can still take her and her friend to breakfast beforehand.

ThyPeace, tonight she's going to opening night of Frozen II (6pm) and THEN going to practice (ends at 9:30pm). I foresee a pretty incoherent kid about 10:30 tonight.
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But "Well... that might not happen. See, apparently there is a basketball game in the gym. So there are options. We're voting on them [in the group chat that no adult has access to]. I want to just keep practice at the same time but practice in the commons instead of the gym. The other choices are 8-10 or 8:30-10:30."

It's just so *stressful*.

The oldest has something to do Saturday that (since he's still only 17) one of his parents has to sign in with him. This Something has already been rescheduled once because of a conflict he had with a baseball clinic at a college he's interested in (and had to travel to), and it's across town (45 minute drive).

T is out of town until Sunday.

I might (or might not!) have to get the youngest to practice at the same time. I don't know yet, and that practice will be 15 minutes in the opposite direction of where the oldest needs to be.

So far, all I can get out of the oldest's father is he "should" be able to take him Saturday.

However, he was also the one that introduced the conflict causing the original reschedule, so...

His girlfriend isn't technically a parent (because no piece of paper says so), so despite her being his in-practice stepmother, SHE can't take him and sign him in.

I might (or might not!) be recruiting my sister to take the youngest to practice.

impolite
JUST TELL ME WHEN TO HAVE HIM THERE ALREADY GAAAAWWWWD
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No. of Recommendations: 0
...*stressful*...oldest has something ... parents has to sign in with him... rescheduled once ... T is out ... youngest to practice at the same time... oldest's father ... "should" be able to take him ...introduced the conflict causing the original reschedule... girlfriend isn't technically a parent ...recruiting my sister to take the youngest ...JUST TELL ME WHEN TO HAVE HIM THERE ALREADY GAAAAWWWWD

Yup. We are living the same life.

Except I only have one and DH has three who are adults now so they're easier, DD requires all five of the parents she has (with varying levels of legal relationship, two of us can sign the necessary papers) to actually make it through her life, and DH's ex lives 365 miles away and that's probably a good thing because oof, that relationship never got better.

ThyPeace, every parent with more than one kid and/or more than one household's schedules to coordinate quickly becomes prime management material, in my book.
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