I'm more dissappointed in myself than him, I put sooooo much into that relationship, I spent the last two years fighting off threats of leaving, and then I turned into a FICO score, that was just about enough for me, two years ago my score was 590, and he has these student loans that made his score less than 400, when he got those deferred his score increased to a 620 overnight, and so did he, the minute they told him he could qualify for a home loan on his own he immediately got nasty, bottom line...............it would have to be about something other than that, I'm tired more than anything, my family and my credit and financial stability is more important, as good as I was in that relationship, I'm sure someone else will come along and it'll be better, that's what I believe, but if a person is sick enough to degrade their spouse down to a number it's time for someone to hit the door.
Breaking up is hard to do. Yes, it's more than just a song. Concentrate on the positives in your life, such as your kids. It's a shame that money/credit ratings meant more to him than you did, but in the long run, that's how I'd sum it up. It's hard when you invest so much in a relationship. Perhaps one day he will grow up and develop better priorities. But if he doesn't, so be it. And just because he *qualifies* for a loan of 200K does NOT mean he should take out a loan of that size. Be happy he is doing it on his own. You escaped a lot of future problems, IMHO.Sorry it happened to you, it sux big time. There are a lot of good men out there so don't lose hope.Louise
I think you're right.Maybe some of bookgrrrl's breakup cookies will ease the immediate pain: http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=15636299
I'm more dissappointed in myself than him, I put sooooo much into that relationshipI'm tired more than anythingYou know, I'd been thinking there's a breathless quality to your posts. It might only be your writing style :) but the pressured urgency conveyed in your earlier postings plays a part, too. My sense is that you need to relax, remember to breathe and as you set your goals, make sure they are realistic. In sorting out financial messes, persistent steadiness wins out. You sound like me -- in a general rush to make everything perfect. (God grant me patience and I need it right now!) I'm also a perfectionist, and I got divorced from my first husband after SIXTEEN years. It soured before the end of the 3rd year, why did it take me so long to resolve? Because I'm such a perfectionist that I couldn't let myself exit - I was determined that "you make the bed, you lay in it" was the right thing to do and anything less meant being a failure, which I couldn't accept. When I got over that idea, we were both blessed by it. When I left, I realized that leaving the marriage wasn't my failure... if anything, staying in too long was!If you're gonna be reduced to a number by someone, I have a couple that might be more appropriate! :) Along the lines of the current commercial for McDonalds that has the guy getting up early, claiming he's going shopping for his wife, who mumbles "I'm a six" referring to dress size... "baby you're a ten!" When it comes to resolving the issues that you'll be dealing with as you get free of this relationship... "look out for number 1!"Take care!MHF
. There are a lot of good men out there so don't lose hope.Where?*blink, blink*Ishtar
JustStand:I'm so sorry. But perhaps it's for the best? A man that would reduce your value to a FICO score is not worth it. There's the old cliche about a door closing...and another about it being darkest before the dawn. I believe it. It will get better, just may be hard to see it now.Chin up!Nancy
Manbut don't know about that good partand ugly to bootWolfshead
JustStand -I didn't choose my wife based on her FICO score. I did, however, consider financial maturity to be one of the many atributes I was looking for in a woman. I don't mean she had to have a high income. I mean she had to handle the money she had wisely.I wasn't willing to attempt converting someone. The odds are against us in that arena. Most of us who have become financially responsible have done so because of our own experiences, not because of what anyone told us. It is unlikely that your partner will change his point of view through coersion. Once someone HAS changed their ways however, they seek out more advice and support. This is why the CC board and the LBYM board here at The Motley Fool are so popular.I hope your spirit is not terribly burdened by your change of relationship status. You are on your way to bigger and better things. Such things are more likely to follow along with your dilligence and action rather than arive at your doorstep while you wait. You have my mental support.xtn
. There are a lot of good men out there so don't lose hope.Where? *blink, blink* IshtarSorry, I got the last one.... LOL!
I know I was at work when the good ones were handed out. I DID NOT GET THEM!! That's ok.. there's always hope. wild :)
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