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My husband died November 19th; we were both so happy he had survived a second heart surgery, very complicated. . He was recovering well, but collapsed two days after being discharged from hospital.

I got through Thanksgiving because of being numb. I got through Christmas, somehow. . Valentine's Day........really only a "Hallmark Holiday"..........is really getting to me. He proposed the day after Valentine's Day, maybe that is why.

This is the second time I have been widowed. Hurts like hell.
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Umph!
I just. can't. imagine.
To have cleared that hurdle and be looking down the homestrech...

Now that the mind-numbing fog of initial grief is starting to lift, reality starts crashing in. Well, you been here - anything I can even guess to say is only preaching to the choir.

All I can offer is
(((czarinav)))

It's a quiet board, but the folks here rock! So post and vent away. You're being heard. Despite nothing being posted for several months, I do know that I've got a fist full of Fools walking with me every day.


Keith
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So very sorry. Just know that others here have gone through what you're experiencing now, and are here to listen.

Abba
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(((((Czarinav)))))


I'm so sorry for your loss. These "special" days can really bite, can't they.

RDW
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Thanks everyone for the caring responses. Lately, I start thinking "what were we doing this time last year?" For example, we went out to a great Indian Restaurant last V. day. And, while thinking about "last year," I realize that before long, there won't be a last year that we had together.............just a longer separation.

There is something else. When I was widowed the first time I took it really hard; major depression, shrink, tranquilizers and the whole thing. It took so long to stop wanting to die myself.

This time, I just feel sad and lonely and wishing that he had a longer time to live as a healthy person.
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This time, I just feel sad and lonely and wishing that he had a longer time to live as a healthy person.


It's never easy, but perhaps, having lived through the experience once, you're in a place now where you know what to expect and that softens it some. It took me a long time to get where you are now, as far as just feeling sad and lonely, etc. Grief is indeed such an individual experience and we all react in our own time frame. Wishing you an easier road, day by day.

Abba
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And, while thinking about "last year," I realize that before long, there won't be a last year that we had together.............just a longer separation.

I haven't responded to you before this because it was touching me too closely. Finally, though, I did want to say something, if only that I am sorry for your loss.

I cannot imagine being widowed twice. DH's death nearly killed me -- as you say being widowed the first time did you.

The strangest thing for me was how little time we were together, and how few of those years we actually spent as a married couple. I met DH in 1993, we were married in 1997, and I was widowed in 2001. So for me, the striking realization was that it won't be long before I will have been widowed for longer than I was married.

You have my sympathy.



scary
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czarinav,

Please accept my sympathy as well.

I hope that the overwhelming "unfairness" of losing two soulmates does not cause a recurrence of the depression. As has been already brought up, there are some great ears/hearts here to try and help, or at least listen and "care".

I have been thinking of posting a few recent experiences here to get some feedback, and I hope you will keep this board on your favorites, even if we go quiet for long stretches.

Ralph
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I have been thinking of posting a few recent experiences here to get some feedback, and I hope you will keep this board on your favorites, even if we go quiet for long stretches.

Looking forward to hearing about those experiences, Ralph.

Czarinav, I hope you're coping with things....do let us know if you feel like venting or just need a friendly "ear".

Abba
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All of these posts resonate profoundly...my husband died the day before 9/11, and in the resulting aftermath there was so much to deal with, not just personally, but in a very global way, that grief was expressed in drips and dribbles.

Two years later I am at a conference, having gone to the breakfast buffet and sat down with my food. All of a sudden I realize I am waiting for him to get his food and join me -- and that it would never happen again. Sneak attack of panic and loss ensued.

1-1/2 years ago an old friend tracked me down across 30 years, thousands of miles, and divergent pasts. He became separated from his wife the same day my DH died, two years later found my old letters and made it a mission to find me. Long distance courtship followed. Now we are looking at how and when to merge our households and lives - but I have had a few therapy sessions on how to merge/mend my heart. How do I manage to deal with incredibly strong feelings, most of all, fear of loss? I find myself riding him a bit to see the doctor, take care of dental work, make sure the car is working...and have to bite my tongue. Fear of loss is now tantamount, and hard to deal with. Only time will convince me that he won't be taken away. He assures me that he is "not loseable". Sigh. If that were only a guarantee against fate.

Sock
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