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trust me, the only thing that makes sense is to give the kid the candy. "

Nope. Can't agree with this (at least for one of my children). The reason is the way her brain works/remembers things. Very selective. The one time I cave and buy the candy bar is the one data point she will remember. The 100 times I say no and follow through - those times she forgets. So for her the only discipline that worked was extreme rigidity and total consistency. No wiggle room for me. Very exhausting. I could NEVER negotiate even when negotiating was the obvious and sensible (learning experience) thing to do. Do you have any idea how abnormal and draining such parenting is? And for some children necessary? Like Beridian my child was adopted at the age of 9 (she came to live with me at the age of 8) and my parenting style with her is almost the mirror opposite of how I interact with my other child. So I pretty much give most parents a pass unless I actually know them at which point I am totally judgmental and snippy.
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