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This is a vent because I can't on FB or Twitter since my kid follows me on those platforms.

My oldest graduated in '18. Talented in writing and visual arts, got into every school they applied to. Had large scholarships to every school. Chose to go to the small art school majoring in animation despite me & DH's misgivings (what if you change your mind about doing animation type of stuff). We wanted them to go to a school with a broad list of majors just in case.

COVID was rough. Their mental health took a major hit doing on-line work. They miss the in-person give and take of art school. Grades took a hit as well. Decided to transfer...to the college she refused to consider. Planning on majoring in creative writing. So even though most of the classes will transfer, this will add 1.5-2 years until graduation. Mostly due to needing math/science/foreign language/business requirements that were not even offered at the previous school.

Now, because of being a Fool (and the full-tuition scholarship they had), financially this will not hurt. We still have more than enough to cover the degree (and my DH & I want to cover the batchelors degree of our kids). We have, however, set limits on this change. We have told them this is a last chance.

At least my younger kid has learned from his older sibling & plans to go to a liberal arts college. He has NFC what he wants to do, but Albion has a wide range of majors to explore.

I just needed a safe place to vent. Thanks.

Big kids, big problems.

Kristi
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Mostly due to needing math/science/foreign language/business requirements that were not even offered at the previous school.

You aren't asking for advice but I spent my working life in various aspects of higher ed data. Perhaps you can suggest/require some of this get picked up in the summer at your local community college and/or public 4-yr college. The only caveat is to be sure the courses will transfer as the required courses & you need to be specific about it. Otherwise, they could end up as unnecessary electives.

At least one of my kids went to a college that actually had the course equivalency info on their web site for any courses that had been evaluated for transfer previously.
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The school she's looking to transfer to is a local state college where my DH teaches. It's an open enrollment school, so she'll get in. If it wasn't that particular school, your advice would be spot on.

Driving out to Philly next weekend to pack up her dorm room.
Kristi
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Oh, I hear you. I am frankly surprised more kids didn't opt to skip year 2020/2021, college-wise. In the grand scheme of things what's a one year delay? I totally understand wanting to stick it out if you're already attending -- sticking with your cohort and all -- but if you graduated high school 2020, taking a gap year was your absolute best option. I personally know many kids from that class who went to college and then dropped out due to COVID restriction type problems.
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It's an open enrollment school, so she'll get in.
I don't think the advice was about getting in.
It was about minimizing the 1.5 to 2 years extra tuition / time until graduating.
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It was about minimizing the 1.5 to 2 years extra tuition / time until graduating.

I would expect that even with scholarships that the local state school will be cheaper. Since DH works there, I assume that living at home is now on the table and is much, much cheaper than living and eating on campus.

The kiddo will be better well rounded for taking the additional general education classes and be more mature upon graduation.

It is easier to make this change now rather than in ten years.

Mom to two daughters attending small liberal arts colleges graduating in 2022 & 2024.

Vicki
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Tuition is free due to her dad teaching there. It's the time thing that bugs.
Kristi
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Actually, living at home is off the table - knowing her, being at home, isolated from other students would make her MH situation worse. She feels that the distance learning she did for 1 1/2 semesters hurt her - both mentally as well as her learning style. She feels her creativity is enhanced with interaction with her peers. We all agree that living on-campus is what will happen.

Visiting home frequently, OTOH, is welcomed. When she was in Philly, I flew out 1-2 times per semester to visit for 2 days. She liked that as both a break from normal and because she actually likes us.

Like I said in my original post, this was intended as a vent because we follow each other on all other internet things. I can't post on FB/twitter/reddit about this.

Kristi
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It took me 6 years to get my undergraduate degree, due to a combination of poor time management and change of major. I worked part-time jobs throughout, and my parents paid the difference, so I graduated without debt. (Of course, this was back in the dark ages when college didn't cost as much...)

So for our kids, to be fair, DH & I promised to cover 6 years of college. We figured they should be free to explore different options, find themselves, make mistakes and learn from those, etc. If after 6 years they were still in college, then completion was on them.

DD decided in high school what she wanted, and didn't change her mind. She completed both undergrad and grad schools in the 6 years allotted. DS had no clue, but did complete his undergrad degree in 4 years, graduating into the 2009 recession. No jobs here, so went abroad to teach English for two years (they covered room & board, so he came home penniless but at least not in debt), then headed to law school. We covered the first two years, he took out loans for 3rd year.

We weren't thrilled about the law school route. Lawyers are a dime a dozen, and there frankly aren't enough jobs for all of them. I accompanied my dad to his law school's annual "old guard" luncheons for a few years, which were ostensibly about fund-raising, but the Dean was frank that "Of course we're happy to get donations, but what we really need is job opportunities for our graduates. So if you have, or know of, a firm that can hire, please please please contact us." One broken-hearted professor related that his favorite student committed suicide upon graduation.
It was a competitive school, all their students were really the best and the brightest, but there were just not enough jobs. And the law school DS attended was 2nd tier, so of course we weren't optimistic about his prospects. But, his decision.

Fast forward:
- DD's profession pays OK, but not super well. She still likes the work, and makes enough to support herself plus sock away funds for retirement. And, outside work, she's very active with friends and volunteer activities, so all's well with her.
- DS is working for the local prosecutor's office, which pays little, but after 10 years on the job they'll pay off his student loans. He's happy to be there, because his first job was with a law firm that did boring work and then closed, leaving him unemployed for many months. His job now is both interesting and secure, albeit high-stress.

So yeah, a stretched timeline is frustrating, and I totally understand venting where your kids won't see it. Even though you're rightly blaming Covid and not them, things are hard enough for them with the pandemic on top of the usual challenges of launching that you want to be only supportive.

Best wishes to them. Sounds like they're doing what they need to do under rough circumstances. Mental health is important, and two years isn't a big deal in the long run.
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Now I'll vent (here, where my own family won't see it).

DS married a classmate. She got a high-paying job in private industry. They bought a modest house, and seemed to be doing well: new car, nice vacations, etc.

Then this year they had a baby. I had volunteered to provide day care, so was at their house her first day back at work. She was in tears, broken hearted, didn't want to leave her new little baby, which I totally understood. I figured she'd quit in a week.
But, as the higher earner, she couldn't quit, and doesn't have the option of cutting back to part-time at her firm, although she does work from home a lot. DS also works from home a lot, and although he also loves the baby to pieces, doesn't have the same primal urge to be with him 24/7. So if he were to be a SAHD, she still wouldn't be happy.

Anyway, after 3 months of my taking care of the baby, that arrangement ended. Baby was happy during the day with me, fussy with them in the evenings, and rather than ask or observe what I was doing right, they decided I was doing it wrong and somehow causing the evening and overnight distress. So when they worked from home, they were constantly on the hunt for things I should be doing differently, and micromanaging. They finally basically fired me for insubordination.

And then, it turns out, they can't afford a nanny! So, DH & I are paying for my replacement.

Which we can afford, but that certainly wasn't the plan. The plan was that we'd launch our kids with 6 years of college paid for, and a used car, and they'd take it from there.

Oh well. Man plans and God laughs.
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Tuition is free due to her dad teaching there. It's the time thing that bugs.

We had 3 kids who were 3 years apart in school so we were a firm 4-years* wherever they wanted. That meant 10 years straight with two double years. (and a tiny bit of salt when one went to an out of state school where I had worked for 8 years).

The time thing has another component which my youngest and I have discussed a few times. He is in a profession that he didn't exactly plan for or go into right after college. The couple of years would put him a bit ahead of where he is. The other piece can be the change in the economy in a couple of years. Had my daughter not had an instant job after college, it would have been a tough time to look for one. Now, who knows ? OTOH, all of mine have done whatever jobs were available at different times.


* I did pay for the paramedic certificate program for my youngest at the local community college after he finished his bachelors. He was working full time as an EMT when he was doing the certificate program also full time and our lives were pretty messy. Compared to all the college costs, it was chump change.
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Thanks all, especially YewGuise. I had a friend/coworker help pull me back from the edge by pointing out that it's awesome that she 1)figured out that writing made her happier and 2)has the courage to go that route. Amy's comments made me relook at the situation. Still not thrilled, but she needs to live her life as she sees fit.

I am biting my tongue on the going to an art school instead of a school with a broader range of majors, like we had suggested she should. But she was insistent at age 17 that she wanted to be an animator such that she put together a Powerpoint presentation as to the job market in animation! Stubborn like her mom.

At least her younger brother will be going to a liberal arts college. He learned from her.

Kids!
Kristi
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