No. of Recommendations: 151
One of the "Once-A-Month-Cooking" recipes is for Calzones. You buy frozen bread dough, defrost it, cut the dough into pieces, roll them out, blah blah blah.

I purchased the bread dough on Saturday. I left it on the counter overnight, for fear that it wouldn't defrost completely in the fridge before I needed it on Sunday. Note to self: this is not a good idea.

To truly understand the vision I was greeted with this morning, you need to visualize the packaging. Imagine a package of hamburger buns. You know the ones? Rectangular plastic bag with a square plastic fastener to hold it shut? This is like that. Inside, on a tray, are three loaves of bread dough.

Anyone who has made bread, and most people who haven't, know that dough expands. Especially in a warm, moist environment. Like the type of environment provided by a kitchen in which spaghetti was simmering for 2 hours. In California where the days are in the 80's. In other words, anyone with half a brain would have expected this. I, who have baked bread, should definitely have thought it through.

I didn't.

The dough rose. And rose. And filled the confines of the plastic bag. And pushed/broke/manhandled the plastic fastener off the package. And continued expanding. And reached the end of the bag. And kept going, but now with room to expand more.

Okay, you really need to visualize this. The bag is now a cylinder filled with dough. Where the dough comes out the end of the bag, it has mushroomed out a bit. Since there was more than one loaf in the bag, there is a seam down the center of the mushroom head.

Am I explaining this well enough? No? Let me be blunt. I called my best friend and said, "On my kitchen counter is a 3-foot long [male organ]!!!"

Still can't really picture it? Here's the pic, as captured on my phone at 6 this morning by a very shocked, helplessly giggling, me:

What a way to start my day!

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