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YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.


By xerohype

(Disclaimer: I am very long CSCO, as a matter of fact it is my largest position. This science fiction adventure is meant as an entertaining spoof, so lighten up and enjoy.)

Captain's log, stardate 2000.5.15
We have started the maiden voyage of the Federation communications network ship Blueback, our mission is to optimize the flow of broadband subspace networks in the alpha quadrant. We are headed for a rendezvous with representatives from the JDSU empire to negotiate a mutual assistance treaty.

Blueback bridge:
Ensign: Captain, RED ALERT! We have detected a Cisco cube in long range sensors. It's on an intercept course.

Captain: Raise shields and open a channel. This is Captain Xerohype from the Federation vessel Blueback, state your intentions.

Cybernetic person appears on view screen.

Chamberius of Cisco speaks: WE ARE CISCO. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

Captain Xerohype: We are on a peaceful mission. We are no threat to you.

Chamberius: WE REQUIRE YOUR TECHNOLOGY. IT WILL BE ADDED TO OUR COLLECTIVE. YOU MUST COMPLY. THE PRICE WILL BE $100 A SHARE FOR YOUR ASSETS.

BEHOLD SOME RECENT ASSIMILATIONS. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

http://www.upside.com/News/391c42a00_yahoo.html

Captain Xerohype: Close channel. We have only one option. Prepare the Barron's ray. The confusion caused by its distortion of reality should weaken its stock price enough to allow us an avenue of escape.

Ensign: Captain, they've locked a tractor beam on us!

Captain Xerohype: Unleash the Barron's ray. Make it so. (Large flash of light ensues and much shaking in the bridge). Drat! Their stock price weakened but not enough for an escape. Seven of Ten (hubba, hubba) you were once a Cisco drone, but you broke free to join up our startup vessel. What should we do?

Seven: I only joined you guys for the stock options, heck, I supplied Cisco with our coordinates so that they could assimilate us. I'll be filthy rich, so who cares!

Cisco drones invade the Blueback accompanied by M&A nanoprobes and they succeed in assimilating the valiant crew.

A year has passed, the Cisco hive dominates networking communications in the Galaxy. Let's see how our hero has fared:

Drone Xerohype: The subspace communications network is running at peak efficiency. My stock options are fully vested and my 401 K is fatter than a prize hog. This is the life! Long live Cisco, who needs the Federation. Those guys don't even believe in money anymore.

-------------------------------

I'm a strong believer in Cisco, with their acquisitions they are constantly adding the technology needed to expand into new markets. Just as the Borg, they nimbly adapt to new challenges, but unlike the Borg and Microsoft they actually have imagination and innovation on their side. John Chambers and company run the tightest ship in the business. What Barron's and other bears fail to understand is that Cisco keeps reinventing itself in a way that continues to expand their possibilities. Let them drive the price of CSCO stock lower, I'll just continue to buy more at regular intervals.

Stay long CSCO and prosper.

-xerohype

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