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No. of Recommendations: 13
Your list is an absurdity.

1. Mock everyone who lives beyond a 2-mile radius of Los Feliz.

I am pretty sure I have heard him mock people who live within a 2-mile radius of Los Feliz, and even comment unfavorably on them. Your allegation of chauvinism is misplaced.

3. Go to Blockbuster video and rent doppelganging classic, "The Seven Faces of Dr. Laop."

This is a bad joke. Best you hie out of town, and let professionals write comedy.

8. Expand list of pat anti-Fool pejoratives beyond "TomDave," "Jardineros," and "twentysomething eastcoast hypsteristas."

Not bad, for a hamster.

11. Create new hotmail address "So's I can buy a bunch of them cool Soapbox reports without killing my rep."

Why buy the goddamn things when one can go to the library for free and read them from the sources from which they were plagiarized?

12. Beg Cheeze not to move.

No one is begging you not to move. In fact, we welcome your move, if only to give us a negotiating point with which to extract a younger, more dynamic and popular TMF, like Lou.

13. Have liver bronzed for display on Engine Co. No. 28's Wall of Distinction.

A liver is required for drinking. Bronzing it would mean no drinking. How likely is Joseph to volunteer for this?

14. Ponder the Imponderables: Olive, or onion? Vodka, or gin? Marcel Proust, or Ian Fleming?

You've learned nothing since you've been here. Vodka or Gin an Imponderable? Only to a soy besotted vegan philistine like yourself. One bottle of noble Sapphire is worth a dozen cases of vodka.

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